fog
and yeah okay i know what it feels like to be bone-frozen kissing in the English chill young and beautiful purposeless careless up til 6am your piano hands my tears in the library cheap bottle of wine and before sunrise miss the flight to dublin i’ve dreamt that you’ve forgiven me at least five times but i wake up and nobody ever does nobody sees me and we’re ambling down the street and i’m about to burst i’m getting those visions i can’t control my hand impaled on the wrought iron fence-finials and i’m in copenhagen iceland annecy scotland rome waterloo without you and you can’t find the words to ever tell me how you feel and i can’t explain to you why my love isn’t conditional and i don’t remember laughing i don’t remember joy except for that one time i rolled onto the bed and you said that was the only time i looked as carefree as you thought i was when you first saw me in the jazz bar and here’s a pear cocktail and whiskey in the cigar lounge and we’re fighting without saying anything you’re crying your eyes out over a vodka and coke and i’m tearing this rose into pieces thin strips of chartreuse on a black chiffon skirt i don’t even know what year it is and i’ve got sun bleached flies on loop a surge in my chest a last pink sunset swallows the cathedral sky and i’m gone gone gone
[and i truly hope you’re happy now and maybe you hope i am too but i don’t know if either of us will ever figure out how to be]